Changes: Week 1 Review

Just over a week ago I set myself the following 6 rules:

1) No Caffeine
2) No Alcohol
3) Positive Mental Attitude
4) Save Money
5) Keep Smiling
6) Stay Fit

I may not stick to them forever but I hope to make some positive changes in my life by following them strictly for as long as I deem necessary/possible.

I feel I have made a fairly good start to my campaign and I hope that by reviewing each rule individually I can identify and monitor my progress as each week passes.

1) No Caffeine - The area of my life where this was really starting to become a habit was at work: I would almost invariably have a can of coke during a shift at work to give me a boost during the second half of my shift; I worked 3 times in the last week and got by without one. Unfortunately I inadvertently consumed caffeine earlier this evening whilst drinking Irn Bru. I didn't realise that it contained caffeine until I checked the label, having already consumed almost 1 litre of the stuff. Overall I am pleased with my effort

2) No Alcohol - So far so good. Socially, this rule is a nightmare! In the pub on Monday I endured a constant barrage of comments which were, in the main, attempts to goad me into breaking at least one of my newly implemented rules. It was all "banter" and I took it as it was meant. I do feel, however, that I ended up somewhat fading into the background in an environment where I would normally be wallowing in the thick of the action. Perhaps this difference is perceptive rather than an actuality - I know I was also tired and hungry at the time.

On the two other occasions this week when I was out and about with friends I had mixed results. Wednesday I had a great time in the pub on a spontaneous little Culcheth evening. I invented the "lime bomb" - the non-alcoholic, caffeine-free, jaegerbomb equivalent - and stayed up til the early hours playing amusing party games. Thursday I did a sober night out in Leigh... I won't be doing that again.

Overall I feel that this rule will be a very difficult one to maintain - although I feel like I should be strong enough to just be myself, be comfortable with myself and enjoy myself whilst sober, there are certain environments where I am highly self-conscious and hyper-critical of my worth - the occasional hangover and mild liver-damage may end up feeling like a small price to pay to alleviate those thoughts. The praise I have received from people who I hold in high regard is what I am trying to focus on, as well as the money I'm saving.

3) Positive Mental Attitude - This rule is very, very difficult for me. Sometimes I just feel low. The times where I am suffering lows of mood are painfully obvious to those who are close to me. I try to hide it but I just can't approach the world with the same enthusiasm when something is troubling me. Often when I talk to people about it they become frustrated with me because I am stubborn and they are unable to positively affect my mood. I have a belief that lows of mood are part and parcel of life and that it will be that way for as long as I live - I don't think they can be avoided. Because of this, when I feel low, I just try to accept that I am low and that is just the way that it is. The whole time I am feeling that way I am still focused on two positive things: a) this feeling will pass b) I am going to be successful. A cuddle and a change of subject usually helps though - I'll be thinking you're a ******* for trying to solve all my problems with such a simple solution but I'll also be admiring your audacity, bravery and effort.

That little tangent aside, I have, on reflection, had a good week. I've worked 3 times, which is a decent amount of shifts for me. I won Monday Night Poker for the first time ever, which is especially positive considering I wasn't going to bother with it at all. I've spent lots of time with my friends, which never fails to make me happy. And I've stuck to my rules almost perfectly - proof that the tenacious little monster inside of me is still there and prepared to help me achieve all of my ambitions. I need to keep focusing on the little victories - they are the foot holes in the mountain I am determined to climb.

4) Save Money - I think it's crass to publish actual figures in my blog (not that any of the figures I'd be posting would be significant), but if I think of my incomings this week as 3 shifts worth of money + the added bonus of my poker winnings, then I have definitely had a week where I have greater incomings than outgoings. I hope I can continue to accumulate money in order to build the required finance to achieve some of my life goals.

5) Keep Smiling - I need to try harder with this one. I have probably spent the vast majority of the week with a smile on my face but I have occasionally allowed myself to indulge in my own self-pity a little too often. Writing this review has made me realise that it was foolish of me to have gotten down over some of the things which have bothered me in the last 7 days.

6) Keep Fit - I have tried hard with this goal but it has definitely been a source of frustration for me recently. I am suffering from arm pain similar to that which put me in hospital - it is likely to be anxiety-related rather than muscle damage but it is still preventing me from training at the level that I would like to be training at. I am hoping that I can work through it and learn to find a way to cope. In the meantime I am training in short 30-minute sessions at least once every 2 days.



The biggest thing I have learnt this week as a result of these changes is that I seem to derive my pleasure mainly from others. This is evident in my week's highlights:

On Monday my highlight was seeing everybody drinking the jaegerbombs I'd promised to buy if I won the poker tournament - sitting in the corner of the pub watching the chaos evolving around me I couldn't help feeling like I was part of something that I didn't really belong to - at the same time, though, it was satisfying knowing that I was watching something that I'd been part of so many times before.

On Wednesday my highlight was walking the dogs of Radcliffe Farm with my new-found international friends. Throwing a stick for a golden retriever is a simple pleasure but it is one where I feel competent, confident and... wanted(?) - things that I often have to bluff at in other situations. It made me particularly happy when said golden retriever came running after me when it was time for me to leave. I wish I had that effect on everybody!

On Thursday (super early in the morning) my highlight was playing Lodden Thinks and the game where you have a famous person's name on your head and have to guess who it is. I ended up crying laughing - I actually felt sort of drunk at the time, but I was just really enjoying the stupidity and simplicity of our evenings events and how much joy they were bringing to everybody involved.

Here's hoping the next week can be as successful as this one has been.