Sunshine,
Summertime,
Chasing butterflies,
Racing riverside,
Daylight stutters by,
Night-time: come alive,
Day-time: just survive.
Hazy, heady, hateful, headache.
Appetite diminished,
Heartbreak.
A masterpiece, perfected plan,
Unravelled by the hands of man.
Sonata on a broken lute -
A ditty on a crooked flute,
Sordid, imperfected tune.
Ashes smoulder at my feet,
Another sundance, now complete.
Another stable torn to pieces,
Another victim of disease.
And the only colour left at all,
Stood by a crumbled, fallen, wall,
A rainbow moth trapped in a jar,
A pretty little summer scar;
Tattooed upon this broken structure,
A little to remind me of the,
Sunshine,
Summer,
Summertime,
When we went chasing butterflies.
Sunday, 9 September 2012
Thursday, 6 September 2012
Lucid Dreaming
I experienced lucid dreaming for the second, maybe third, time today. It is such a bizarre sensation that I thought I would try to write about it.
For those of you who don't know, a lucid dream is a dream where a person becomes aware that they are dreaming but does not wake up. Once a dreamer is aware of the fact they are dreaming they are able to shape the dream and influence it's occurrences.
The first time it happened to me I found it really scary. I thought I was trapped in the dream and didn't know how I was going to wake myself up. Part of me thought I was dead or comatose - unable to get back to "normal life." Today I experienced these thoughts once again but had a little more knowledge on my side.
One problem with lucid dreaming is that it is very confusing for me. My mind is basically stuck in the state most people get into when they have just woken up - I have only ever experienced lucid dreaming when I have been mentally, physically and emotionally drained and have decided to nap during the day. Since I am already functioning sub-optimally, throw into the mix the fact that much of my brain is switched off in order to keep me asleep and you can begin to see why comprehending what is happening can sometimes be a little difficult.
Today my dream became REALLY difficult to keep track of since there were three levels of dream (I know, Inception right!). In the "top" level I was controlling the dreams and was aware that I was doing so. It still felt like it was actually happening though. At one point I remember I was sat on the floor of a bus stop, next to a friend. She had her leg resting across my ankle and I remember thinking "I know this is not real but I am sure I can feel it." It didn't matter what I did in the dream the sensations I experienced felt like they were genuinely happening (what I am saying is that it is likely there was nothing actually on my leg - my brain was just convinced that there was despite knowing that there wasn't! So strange). This level was non-sequitur and the location and people would change drastically each time I visited it.
When I "woke" from the top level I found myself in the middle level of the dream. This was really confusing for me as I genuinely thought I was awake in the middle level. At one point I was somewhere between the two levels - I was conscious of the fact that the scene playing out didn't exist the way it felt to me but I thought one of the people in the dream was with me in the actual room in level 2 (which I thought was the real world). At this point I was scared because the person was telling me that I was talking to two people in the real world who didn't exist and also to the person herself... who did. I hugged the person and asked her not to leave me - I was once again stuck unable to wake from my lucid dream and I didn't want to make a fool of myself.
Eventually I realised that the middle level was also a dream and decided it was OK to "sleep" in the middle level and experience lucid dreams at the top level. I did this a couple of times and, as I said before, the dreams at the top level were totally different each time, but I kept waking to the same scene in the middle level and would often get confused and think that it was real.
I taught myself a trick to know when I was genuinely in the real world. If, when I thought I was awake, I looked to the right and saw a red box above my wardrobes, I knew I was actually awake - the scene to my right in the middle level was not identical to my bedroom; which was where I knew I must be sleeping.
I woke up properly a couple of times but decided to go back to sleep. The strange thing about lucid dreaming is that you can pick up where you left off previously. I would just close my eyes and be back in the top level. Every time I woke from there I seemed to be in the middle level but I was beginning to learn how to control the middle level so that I could wake if I wanted to, or just return to the top level. I still found it a little confusing and scary but was much more comfortable with it once I had taught myself to be able to wake up.
I'm looking forward to the next time this happens as I believe I was starting to exert a lot of control over it. It is said to be a skill which many can use to relax and develop mental strength and tranquillity - similar to meditation.
And no, I don't do drugs!
For those of you who don't know, a lucid dream is a dream where a person becomes aware that they are dreaming but does not wake up. Once a dreamer is aware of the fact they are dreaming they are able to shape the dream and influence it's occurrences.
The first time it happened to me I found it really scary. I thought I was trapped in the dream and didn't know how I was going to wake myself up. Part of me thought I was dead or comatose - unable to get back to "normal life." Today I experienced these thoughts once again but had a little more knowledge on my side.
One problem with lucid dreaming is that it is very confusing for me. My mind is basically stuck in the state most people get into when they have just woken up - I have only ever experienced lucid dreaming when I have been mentally, physically and emotionally drained and have decided to nap during the day. Since I am already functioning sub-optimally, throw into the mix the fact that much of my brain is switched off in order to keep me asleep and you can begin to see why comprehending what is happening can sometimes be a little difficult.
Today my dream became REALLY difficult to keep track of since there were three levels of dream (I know, Inception right!). In the "top" level I was controlling the dreams and was aware that I was doing so. It still felt like it was actually happening though. At one point I remember I was sat on the floor of a bus stop, next to a friend. She had her leg resting across my ankle and I remember thinking "I know this is not real but I am sure I can feel it." It didn't matter what I did in the dream the sensations I experienced felt like they were genuinely happening (what I am saying is that it is likely there was nothing actually on my leg - my brain was just convinced that there was despite knowing that there wasn't! So strange). This level was non-sequitur and the location and people would change drastically each time I visited it.
When I "woke" from the top level I found myself in the middle level of the dream. This was really confusing for me as I genuinely thought I was awake in the middle level. At one point I was somewhere between the two levels - I was conscious of the fact that the scene playing out didn't exist the way it felt to me but I thought one of the people in the dream was with me in the actual room in level 2 (which I thought was the real world). At this point I was scared because the person was telling me that I was talking to two people in the real world who didn't exist and also to the person herself... who did. I hugged the person and asked her not to leave me - I was once again stuck unable to wake from my lucid dream and I didn't want to make a fool of myself.
Eventually I realised that the middle level was also a dream and decided it was OK to "sleep" in the middle level and experience lucid dreams at the top level. I did this a couple of times and, as I said before, the dreams at the top level were totally different each time, but I kept waking to the same scene in the middle level and would often get confused and think that it was real.
I taught myself a trick to know when I was genuinely in the real world. If, when I thought I was awake, I looked to the right and saw a red box above my wardrobes, I knew I was actually awake - the scene to my right in the middle level was not identical to my bedroom; which was where I knew I must be sleeping.
I woke up properly a couple of times but decided to go back to sleep. The strange thing about lucid dreaming is that you can pick up where you left off previously. I would just close my eyes and be back in the top level. Every time I woke from there I seemed to be in the middle level but I was beginning to learn how to control the middle level so that I could wake if I wanted to, or just return to the top level. I still found it a little confusing and scary but was much more comfortable with it once I had taught myself to be able to wake up.
I'm looking forward to the next time this happens as I believe I was starting to exert a lot of control over it. It is said to be a skill which many can use to relax and develop mental strength and tranquillity - similar to meditation.
And no, I don't do drugs!
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