Wayne Gretzky.
I believe that many of you will recognise the name, some of you might know what he is famous for, some of you probably know more about him than I do... But for the purposes of today's blog post, all you need to know is this: He was so good at what he did (playing professional ice hockey) that he is referred to simply as "The Great One" and, testimony to his brilliance, is the fact that no player, anywhere, ever, wears the #99 shirt - when Gretzky retired, his number was globally retired also.
The geezer was good.
I'm obsessed by psychology. As somebody who studies sport science I am made increasingly aware of the physical limits of the human body and, although we can push ourselves to incredible levels physically, there is a lot of evidence to suggest that human athletes might be getting close to being as good as they're going to be... physically. Which means, if we want to go further, we have to look at fully exploring our mental capacity
I believe mentality is what truly seperates winners from losers, which brings me back to Wayne Gretzky: He once uttered the word which are plastered on to motivational posters all over the world
"you miss 100% of the shots you never take"
And it's true - you can spend your entire lifetime contemplating whether something is a good idea, you can weigh up the pros and cons and try and calculate your risk versus reward and play around with probabilities until you're blue in the face. But the fact of the matter is, unless you're willing to act, unless you're willing to take the physical steps that are necessary to achieve your goal you're never EVER going to achieve it.
I think the problem we all face is that we're terrified of rejection. I know I am. It doesn't matter what the task is - whether it's writing my dissertation, asking a girl on a date, applying for a job or... anything that requires me to act... I'm paralysed by the thought that I won't be adequate. And then I end up never even trying. And then I end up failing anyway.
So, over the weekend, I'm going to take a few shots (no, not of vodka! Although maybe some of them too) and maybe I'll come up short on every single one. But I'll get a damn sight closer than if I never bother.
And I urge you to do the same.
Who knows... maybe the keeper will be having an off day!
Enjoy your weekend
xxx
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
Anxiety and Panic Disorder
Hello :)
I suffer from, what is referred to broadly, as Anxiety.
More specifically I experience panic attacks from time to time and I sometimes find social situations difficult to handle. I absolutely despise public transport or any other time where I find myself in a room that I cannot leave easily and I can become very uncomfortable or agitated in such a scenario.
I have been meaning to write about my anxiety for a long time, I guess in an attempt to reach out to others who suffer similarly and say "hey, you're not alone - if you want to talk things through with somebody who's maybe been there or close... I'm here." Or if my words alone can offer any kind of solace to anybody out there than I am more than happy to have written them.
I think there are probably many people who know me fairly well or see me fairly frequently who are relatively unaware of my illness. It doesn't really bother me who knows; perhaps there is a stigma attached to mental illness in today's society but, to be totally honest with you I have no time for those who wish to judge me based on simple, surface information; my friends, or those I wish to be friends with, are intelligent enough to see past said stigma and treat me no differently than they would if they remained blissfully unaware of my condition.
I think it's testimony to the way I deal with my anxiety that many are unaware of it, or what it can do to me but I am not afraid to divulge this information with anybody. I suppose this is another purpose of this blog. I want you to know that I am comfortable with exactly who I am.
Firstly, I want to discuss panic attacks. For those of you who have never suffered a panic attack I would describe it as being like having your head held underwater by a complete stranger for reasons that you can't understand. Of course, the saving grace of having your head held underwater is that you know if you can just fight your head to the surface you will be able to breath again... with a panic attack you have no idea what you can do to "save yourself"... you are fairly certain that you are going to die... and there's no logical reason for it.
For those of you who do suffer from panic attacks, or should you find yourself suffering an inexplicable certainty that you are going to die, remember that nobody has ever died from a panic attack and that panic attacks all come to an end eventually. They're not fun but it's all you can do - you will be fine in the end.
My condition is quite complex in-so-far as many of the symptoms have fancy names or complications. I suffer from panic disorder - this is essentially a fear of having a panic attack. Mine manifests itself as a fear of choking to death. I try to avoid situations where I could get trapped, particularly when I can not easily get a drink (to try and clear my airways if I start to choke). I almost always sleep with a glass of water by my bed for this reason and try to always make sure I have a drink handy when travelling long distances by plane, car or otherwise.
I realise it's pretty ridiculous and I feel foolish sometimes for being so melodramatic but I figure that having a drink with me almost all the time isn't that difficult to do discretely and if it's all I need to enable me to travel around the country seeing my friends, family and having enjoyable adventures then so be it. I also tend to carry mints around with me as the taste often calms me and alleviates nausea - another symptom of anxiety (irrational feelings of nervousness).
Sometimes I suffer extreme lows of mood. I have been to some very dark places mentally where my thoughts have left me feeling so insignificant, lonely, helpless and isolated that I felt I could never be happy again. From my experience, similarly to panic attacks, these feelings end eventually - but it is so gripping and all-consuming when it is occurring that it is very difficult to convince yourself that you will get to the other side of it.
I have found myself on the phone to anybody who I can during these times, begging them to come and sit with me. As far as I can recollect I have never considered suicide - I am quite sure that I have a destiny, as yet unfulfilled on this planet, and I am determined to never give up on it. But during my lows I feel so desperate, so lost, that I cannot find a way to alleviate my pain. I will try almost anything to be happy again. I hope that everybody who gets down to those depths finds the strength to just hang in there - things will get better. They always do.
I think it is during these times that I often search for comforting words or phrases. My favourite is as follows: "everything will be ok in the end; if it is not ok, it is not the end"
I see my battle with anxiety as a line graph (lord knows why... I can't stand graphs!). The x-axis is time and the y-axis is "how I am coping with my anxiety." One day my line will reach the top of the y-axis, "absolute ability to cope" if you like. I am always working hard to get it there one step at a time.
In the run-up to Xmas 2011 and during the holiday season I regressed badly, I had gotten very good at coping with my anxiety but I went through a very rocky and stressful time and I ended up feeling like a lot of my hard work had been undone. I was quite distraught and went through some of the hardest days of my life. Nothing particularly drastic was happening - I just knew I was coping with my anxiety less and less, I was clinging on with my fingernails and I needed help.
I gave in to medication for the first time in my life. I started taking anti-depressants and found them very useful. I'm off them now, I came off them early - they weren't for me. I didn't really suffer adverse side effects (although I was being sick on nights out a lot more frequently and having consumed a lot less alcohol) but I like to be self-reliant. Sometimes I need help and I have to have the courage to swallow my pride and be willing to ask for it. More importantly I have to be willing to accept it. But I also need to know that, once I've found me feet, I can walk this road alone and tackle whatever obstacles may stand in my way.
As things stand I have taken the following steps towards improving my physical and mental health:
1) I consume a lot less caffiene nowadays. Nobody really specifically advised me to do this - I saw caffiene put my dad in hospital which was quite a shocking experience but I don't think it was what made my mind for me. I just tried to give caffiene up as an experiment, found that I felt I could cope without it and decided it was better for my health (particularly mental health) if I stayed away.
I am contemplating giving up alcohol but maintain that I would miss "the casual pint" too much and believe it is a case of all or nothing. I tend to suffer more psychologically when I am hungover (don't we all?). Maybe one day I will give it up.
2) I am finally putting on weight! Mass calorie consumption and sensible exercise routines have increased my body mass by 1 stone since the absolute lowest point (psychologically) of my life -where I lost a lot of weight through stress and lack of apetite. As my physical health improves I feel that my mental strength does also - I am excited at the prospect of one day being in perfect physical shape for my height and age - I see no reason why I cannot get there.
3) I actively seek to reduce stress in my life. I make an effort to spend time with the people who's company I enjoy the most, I choose not to feel guilty about any of the things which bring me pleasure and I tackle my work and business life as efficiently as I can.
I consider every task I complete as an achievement which makes my days feel more worthwhile even if all I have done is picked some washing up off my bedroom floor and eaten the right ammount of calories - there were times at my worst when I did not move from my bed for 72 hours (except to use the toilet). Progress, no matter how small, is progress and success is just an accumilation of progresses.
I feel mental health is something that we, as a society, do not work hard enough to improve. Unfortunately (or fortunately) focusing on staying mentally healthy is essential for me and I have to work hard to keep on top of it. I hope to pass on the things I have learnt to any and everybody who can benefit from it.
I'd like to conclude by clarifying that this blog isn't a cry for help - I'm fine. I'm coping great at the moment and I feel that things are looking up for me. I have many prospects to explore and I am sure I will one day find success in this life - whatever I determine that to be. This blog is a message to everybody else out there who is fighting their own personal battle every single day.
Never give up, never give in - sometimes we need help, sometimes we end up going backwards and having to start again but slowly and surely we will get there. Without the lows, the view from the top wouldn't be quite so breath-taking.
Enjoy your Wednesday
xxx
I suffer from, what is referred to broadly, as Anxiety.
More specifically I experience panic attacks from time to time and I sometimes find social situations difficult to handle. I absolutely despise public transport or any other time where I find myself in a room that I cannot leave easily and I can become very uncomfortable or agitated in such a scenario.
I have been meaning to write about my anxiety for a long time, I guess in an attempt to reach out to others who suffer similarly and say "hey, you're not alone - if you want to talk things through with somebody who's maybe been there or close... I'm here." Or if my words alone can offer any kind of solace to anybody out there than I am more than happy to have written them.
I think there are probably many people who know me fairly well or see me fairly frequently who are relatively unaware of my illness. It doesn't really bother me who knows; perhaps there is a stigma attached to mental illness in today's society but, to be totally honest with you I have no time for those who wish to judge me based on simple, surface information; my friends, or those I wish to be friends with, are intelligent enough to see past said stigma and treat me no differently than they would if they remained blissfully unaware of my condition.
I think it's testimony to the way I deal with my anxiety that many are unaware of it, or what it can do to me but I am not afraid to divulge this information with anybody. I suppose this is another purpose of this blog. I want you to know that I am comfortable with exactly who I am.
Firstly, I want to discuss panic attacks. For those of you who have never suffered a panic attack I would describe it as being like having your head held underwater by a complete stranger for reasons that you can't understand. Of course, the saving grace of having your head held underwater is that you know if you can just fight your head to the surface you will be able to breath again... with a panic attack you have no idea what you can do to "save yourself"... you are fairly certain that you are going to die... and there's no logical reason for it.
For those of you who do suffer from panic attacks, or should you find yourself suffering an inexplicable certainty that you are going to die, remember that nobody has ever died from a panic attack and that panic attacks all come to an end eventually. They're not fun but it's all you can do - you will be fine in the end.
My condition is quite complex in-so-far as many of the symptoms have fancy names or complications. I suffer from panic disorder - this is essentially a fear of having a panic attack. Mine manifests itself as a fear of choking to death. I try to avoid situations where I could get trapped, particularly when I can not easily get a drink (to try and clear my airways if I start to choke). I almost always sleep with a glass of water by my bed for this reason and try to always make sure I have a drink handy when travelling long distances by plane, car or otherwise.
I realise it's pretty ridiculous and I feel foolish sometimes for being so melodramatic but I figure that having a drink with me almost all the time isn't that difficult to do discretely and if it's all I need to enable me to travel around the country seeing my friends, family and having enjoyable adventures then so be it. I also tend to carry mints around with me as the taste often calms me and alleviates nausea - another symptom of anxiety (irrational feelings of nervousness).
Sometimes I suffer extreme lows of mood. I have been to some very dark places mentally where my thoughts have left me feeling so insignificant, lonely, helpless and isolated that I felt I could never be happy again. From my experience, similarly to panic attacks, these feelings end eventually - but it is so gripping and all-consuming when it is occurring that it is very difficult to convince yourself that you will get to the other side of it.
I have found myself on the phone to anybody who I can during these times, begging them to come and sit with me. As far as I can recollect I have never considered suicide - I am quite sure that I have a destiny, as yet unfulfilled on this planet, and I am determined to never give up on it. But during my lows I feel so desperate, so lost, that I cannot find a way to alleviate my pain. I will try almost anything to be happy again. I hope that everybody who gets down to those depths finds the strength to just hang in there - things will get better. They always do.
I think it is during these times that I often search for comforting words or phrases. My favourite is as follows: "everything will be ok in the end; if it is not ok, it is not the end"
I see my battle with anxiety as a line graph (lord knows why... I can't stand graphs!). The x-axis is time and the y-axis is "how I am coping with my anxiety." One day my line will reach the top of the y-axis, "absolute ability to cope" if you like. I am always working hard to get it there one step at a time.
In the run-up to Xmas 2011 and during the holiday season I regressed badly, I had gotten very good at coping with my anxiety but I went through a very rocky and stressful time and I ended up feeling like a lot of my hard work had been undone. I was quite distraught and went through some of the hardest days of my life. Nothing particularly drastic was happening - I just knew I was coping with my anxiety less and less, I was clinging on with my fingernails and I needed help.
I gave in to medication for the first time in my life. I started taking anti-depressants and found them very useful. I'm off them now, I came off them early - they weren't for me. I didn't really suffer adverse side effects (although I was being sick on nights out a lot more frequently and having consumed a lot less alcohol) but I like to be self-reliant. Sometimes I need help and I have to have the courage to swallow my pride and be willing to ask for it. More importantly I have to be willing to accept it. But I also need to know that, once I've found me feet, I can walk this road alone and tackle whatever obstacles may stand in my way.
As things stand I have taken the following steps towards improving my physical and mental health:
1) I consume a lot less caffiene nowadays. Nobody really specifically advised me to do this - I saw caffiene put my dad in hospital which was quite a shocking experience but I don't think it was what made my mind for me. I just tried to give caffiene up as an experiment, found that I felt I could cope without it and decided it was better for my health (particularly mental health) if I stayed away.
I am contemplating giving up alcohol but maintain that I would miss "the casual pint" too much and believe it is a case of all or nothing. I tend to suffer more psychologically when I am hungover (don't we all?). Maybe one day I will give it up.
2) I am finally putting on weight! Mass calorie consumption and sensible exercise routines have increased my body mass by 1 stone since the absolute lowest point (psychologically) of my life -where I lost a lot of weight through stress and lack of apetite. As my physical health improves I feel that my mental strength does also - I am excited at the prospect of one day being in perfect physical shape for my height and age - I see no reason why I cannot get there.
3) I actively seek to reduce stress in my life. I make an effort to spend time with the people who's company I enjoy the most, I choose not to feel guilty about any of the things which bring me pleasure and I tackle my work and business life as efficiently as I can.
I consider every task I complete as an achievement which makes my days feel more worthwhile even if all I have done is picked some washing up off my bedroom floor and eaten the right ammount of calories - there were times at my worst when I did not move from my bed for 72 hours (except to use the toilet). Progress, no matter how small, is progress and success is just an accumilation of progresses.
I feel mental health is something that we, as a society, do not work hard enough to improve. Unfortunately (or fortunately) focusing on staying mentally healthy is essential for me and I have to work hard to keep on top of it. I hope to pass on the things I have learnt to any and everybody who can benefit from it.
I'd like to conclude by clarifying that this blog isn't a cry for help - I'm fine. I'm coping great at the moment and I feel that things are looking up for me. I have many prospects to explore and I am sure I will one day find success in this life - whatever I determine that to be. This blog is a message to everybody else out there who is fighting their own personal battle every single day.
Never give up, never give in - sometimes we need help, sometimes we end up going backwards and having to start again but slowly and surely we will get there. Without the lows, the view from the top wouldn't be quite so breath-taking.
Enjoy your Wednesday
xxx
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)